Hello friends! I'll start by saying a quick sorry for not posting all month. It's been a mixed month for adulting - I had a Tinder relapse and didn't even get close to quitting smoking, however on the plus side, I haven't let any utensils grow mould and haven't had to wear one pair of pants twice! Lets call it even.
So me and the gang have moved into the new pad and it is AMAZING. It's basically a palace. I have discovered this new house proud part to my personality that I didn't know existed, and it turns out I'm not that bad at cleaning really, I just used to live in a house that was so shitty my unconscious mind decided it would be pointless to clean it because it would still look totally wank. We also have a dishwasher. Which helps.
So today, I thought I'd write a bit about each of my new housemates for those of you who dont already know them, as I'm sure they will be popping up in future blogs.
I'll start with Simmons (Izzy).
Me and Simmons have known eachother since we looked like this.
11 years of friendship, and what an 11 years it has been. In year 7 we were in the same form class, and Simmons took me under her wing. I was the weird posh kid who had a massive fringe and actually did her homework and had no friends, and she was naughty and loud and would get referrals and detentions every day. Before I knew it I was naughty and loud and would get detentions every day. She has truly helped shape who I am today <3
We've been through an awful lot in the time we have known eachother. We've spent all night in the woods drinking strongbow.
We've spent all night on the beach drinking strongbow.
We've been to fancy dress parties and drank strongbow.
We've drunk too much strongbow.
We've worn too much fake tan and not enough clothes.
We've shared bad hairstyles, terrible outfits and chavvy poses.
We shared our prom.
We've shared 11 Christmases and 11 birthdays
And as you can see we have shared a lot of photos that we wish didn't exist.
Having lived with Izzy for two weeks I've learned shes basically an aggressive Monica from friends. She loves to cook and clean, which is obviously fab, but then she shouts at us afterwards because we didn't help.
She also likes to do nice things like buy you gifts when shes out or make a cheesecake, and then ask you if she is your favorite housemate. 'So if there was an award for the best housemate, would they call it the Izzy??'.
And you know how when you move into your first house you have all these elaborate plans to decorate and buy matching sets of crockery and a beanbag and then never actually get round to buying any of it because you spend all your money on booze? Well Izzy actually bought us matching crockery sets and a bean bag and a vinyl player and a rug and a coffee table and a mirror for the living room. I FINALLY HAVE A BEANBAG <3 <3 <3
Shes on the whole a pretty fab housemate, but she isn't the best at dealing with stress, for example, on Friday she went out with her new office (of two weeks) to let off some steam, and came home off her tits at 9pm, puked on the garden step and passed out on the sofa. Lad.
Next I'll tell you a little bit about Adam.
You know how it feels when you wait your whole life for a puppy and you finally get it? You spend your childhood watching all your friends and their puupys all happy, and you've only dreamed of it? Well I've waited my whole life for a gay best friend, and I have finally found it in Adam. He's my first puppy.
Unfortunately, he's probably the shittest gay best friend ever, because he's not really very gay. He's not at all flamboyant and he doesn't perform routines from musicals for me and I've never seen him do jazz hands. When we go out together everyone just thinks we are a couple and we just cock block each other (although I suppose it doesn't help that when we are drunk we hold hands and snog). In fact I'm pretty sure everyone on my facebook thinks we are a couple because all of the guys I was speaking to swiftly stopped talking to me when I started uploading regular pictures of Adam and I together. In fairness, we would have great babies...
I mean, check us out.
We also act like a married couple. One minute we are dancing round the kitchen cooking dinner, the next we are bickering about whether to use cottage cheese or creme fresh in the pasta sauce.
I thought living with Adam would be a great idea, because we always had so much fun together on nights out. Little did I know living with Adam would basically be like one enormous constant night out. I don't think I've ever heard the phrase 'do you want a drink?' so often in my life. Those conversations generally go something like this - 'No Adam I don't want a drink thank you' 'Ok here you go' he says as he hands me a MASSIVE DRINK. He is either trying too turn me into an alcoholic or he's trying to kill me off because I keep shouting at him for waking me up when he comes in from a night out. He also spikes drinks. Pretends he hasn't added anything to them when he definitely has. He even spikes alcoholic drinks. He put vodka in my glass of prosecco once and didn't tell me till I had finished it. He will learn his lesson once he has gotten me so drunk I puke all over him, and by the looks of things that will be happening very soon.
He also has a very weird habit of coming into my bedroom when he gets in pissed. He also tends to do this on a Thursday. The first time he did this, I was pretty reasonable if not a little grouchy. The second time... lets just say I didn't think it would happen again. I think he feared a little bit for his life. Technically there has not been a third time, but there has been a time when he stood outside my door talking very loudly at 1am, then slammed several doors and then decided for some reason to have a SHOWER, and then decided to clean up downstairs while shitfaced and couldn't understand why I was about to BEHEAD HIM.
Despite all of the above, he is one of the kindest, funniest people I know and if I am ever looking for a good laugh, I know Ads will always be the first person I go to.
And finally a little bit about Henry.
Henry and I knew each other in college and weren't particularly fond of each other shall we say. We never actually came to blows, we both just thought the other was a bit of a dick, basically.
Now we get on like a bloomin' house on fire. One of my favorite things to do is get home from work before the others and sit in the living room with Henry and moan about stuff.
Henry is a bit of a stoner which makes for basically the perfect housemate - he's always totally chilled, and he always has biscuits.
hjuuuuuuyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy./,;;;;;
Sorry my cat just walked over the keyboard.
There isn't a huge amount more I can tell you about Henry at the moment because we haven't known each other for that long, most of our conversations have basically gone; 'Alright Soph, have you got a filter' 'Yeah' 'Thanks', but my favorite memory of Hen so far is definitely on Friday night when Izzy came home and puked, Henry had to hold her hair back and he was rolling his eyes at what a state she'd gotten herself in.
I then woke up the next morning to find Henry had also gone out later that evening, come home at 4am and done an enormous vom 5 times the size of Izzys', right next to her's on the garden step. Hilarious.
I don't know how much living in this house is going to help me improve my adulting, but what I do know is it's going to be a great hoot. On a positive note we've been cooking dinner together every night so if nothing else, my diet has improved dramatically and I'm hoping the huge increase in vitamin intake will make up for the huge decrease in liver function.
I'll try and not leave it so long until the next post, but until then Happy adulting peeps x
