GOING VEGAN (well, trying to)

IIIIIIIIIII’M BACK BITCHES! 

So I’ve been thinking for a while now about going vegan, it started after a facebook friend shared some videos on animal abuse in the dairy and meat industries and they were pretty unpleasant to say the least. I will preach no more, I’m in no position to right now as I ate pretty much half a roast cow last weekend. However – food for thought (do I get pun points for that?) during the time I’ve been pondering going vegan I’ve thought to myself – would you be happy to pop your family dog into a mincer and make him into a delicious doggy casserole? I imagine the answer is probably something along the lines of ‘FUCK NO’. So why are we brought up thinking that cows are for killing but dogs aren’t? If your cat got knocked up and you were out of milk, would you just squeeze a bit of hers into your morning tea? Absolutely fucking not mate. Minging right? If we weren’t brought up drinking milk before being able to fully understand where it came from, I imagine most educated human beings at the age they are able to exercise free will would be like ‘what the fuck man, cow milk is for baby cows what the actual hell are you doing.’ It's normalised because we've never known any different, but does that make it right??

Of course the main problem with giving up meat and dairy is that it is unfortunately absolutely fucking delicious. I love steak. I love roasts. When I think of my life without cheese it basically brings tears to my eyes, I will have to get special pasta because there’s fucking eggs in the normal shit, BREAD, HOW CAN I LIVE WITHOUT BREAD? And I mean, come on - bacon. I’m trying extremely hard to block out of my mind the thought that if this all goes to plan I may never eat another McDonalds again in my life. That thought crushes my soul and makes me wonder what my reason for carrying on living would be. But I have to remember that to get that chicken nugget in my mouth hundreds of thousands of little new born baby cute yellow chickies were GROUND UP IN A FLUFFY MASACRE. Not ok.

I’ve found myself talking to non-vegan people about this and being almost apologetic about the fact I’m thinking of doing it. Almost like ‘I know this is a silly idea but…’. And people’s reactions are always pretty negative, like they think I’m going to turn into some raging lunatic hippy who wears grass skirts and marries a tree. Nah dude, I just don’t want to be a part of slaughtering animals anymore, that ok? But no pressure if you want to carry on eating them, I can’t deny they’re fucking delicious, so you do you my friend.

The other reaction I get is ‘You? Vegan? HAHA are you fucking kidding me mate’ which is because I eat so much crap that I would immediately have to cut out if I went vegan. Pizza’s, all fast food, microwave meals (oh my god it just occurred to me I will never have a hangover microwave macaroni cheese again *despairs*). And on top of the enormous amount of junk I eat – literally daily – I have the will power of a fat crack addict. Who just eats food and takes crack all day. So although my intentions are good, I can’t say there’s not a very high chance that I will decide it’s too hard and order a pizza with extra cheese and pepperoni on it in a few weeks’ time… But hey. I’ma give it a go. I will just repeat in my head over and over again every time I open the fridge ‘I love animals more than cheese, I love animals more than cheese, I love animals more than cheese’ and hope that does the trick. I imagine I will be smoking a lot more as a coping mechanism. Who needs steak when you have tobacco.

Oh and plus point – I DON’T HAVE TO GIVE UP ANY OF THE BOOZE I LIKEEEEEEE. (Obviously the very first thing I researched)

So next week I’m in Spain (haha suckers don’t be jel) but when I am back I will be blogging about my first week as a vegan, what I eat, what I’m missing or struggling with, and how many times I slip up (I love animals more than cheese, I love animals more than cheese, I love animals more than cheese).

If any team V’s are reading this, meal ideas are more than welcome. As are coping mechanisms. I imagine giving up cheese is like coming off heroin, right? Wish me luck guizeeeee! And happy adulting! x