10 Of The Worst Things About Adulting

Hello friends, back on topic after last weeks feminism rant I thought I would share with you 10 of my pet peeves about adulting...

10. Cooking

So I think I might have mentioned previously I love food. When I moved to London 4 years ago the most technical thing I could make was a cheese toastie (big up Auntie Brid for the toastie maker). After a solid two years of McDonald's, Gregs and microwave meals, I have actually started to cook things myself from scratch. And actually, it's pretty fun and gives you a massive sense of satisfaction and achievement. However, when you start it's really quite daunting. Like, looking up a recipe online is enough to put you off. Why the fuck do I need 700 ingredients to make a pasta bake. Why do I need to buy more tools than it would take to fix a car when all I want is to bake a sodding cake. And also, I don't know about anyone else but when I get home from work I don't want to spend an hour making  some elaborate feast, I want to put pajamas on and eat ice cream and drink wine in bed. WHERE DO YOU FIND THE TIME??? Take aways, fast food and ready meals are too tempting, and I am extremely lucky I am not 50 stone. Actually looking over my diet I'm pretty lucky I'm still alive. Take tonight's dinner for example...

Yum.

9. Cleaning

I'm going to be very real here. I clean my room probably once every three months. For real. I only do a load of washing when I have completely run out of clean pants and have worn at least two pairs inside out. I have fallen out on some level with pretty much every person I've ever lived with because whenever the communal areas get too dirty to inhabit I just stop using them and pretend those rooms don't exist. I HATE cleaning. But on the flip side of that when it comes to things I eat off and drink from I am a germ FREAK. I have to stearalise mugs before I make a cup of tea. I wash every utensil and piece of cutlery twice before I use it (and then leave it for a week and a half after I've finished with it before cleaning it again) My main motivation to progress in my career is to earn enough money  to pay someone else to clean my house. High five to all the housewives out there - you deserve a fucking Nobel Prize. Aaaaaaand this post has just ruined any small chance I had left of ever getting married. Sweet!

8.Having to make your own decisions.

I have made pretty much exclusively bad decisions since I have been living independently.

'Don't get a cat, you can barely look after yourself' everyone said. FUCK YOU I WILL DO WHAT I WANT. And now I'm £50 poorer a month and I cant find anywhere to live because nowhere in London allows pets. Nice one me. 

Every time I go out on a week day and have to sneak to the toilet at work to puke up my McDonalds breakfast the next day I swear I'll never do it again. Then the week after I'm all like - Oopsie its 2am on Tuesday and I'm still in Be @ 1 with three cocktails a beer and a shot of Jaegermeister. I don't have the adult function in my brain. I think I will live the rest of my life like an unchaperoned child.

7. Working

You will never be able to pay me enough to get out of bed at 7am. The only reason I work is because benefits wouldn't cover my fags and alcohol habit. 

6. Commuting to work

If there was ever an argument for contraception it is public transport in London. There is ALWAYS a screaming child on my bus. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN CRYING ABOUT - YOU'RE NOT THE ONE ON YOUR WAY TO WORK, YOU'RE PROBABLY ON YOUR WAY TO EAT A DELICIOUS ASPARAGUS PUREE THEN SHIT YOUR PANTS AND HAVE A NAP. I think my anger towards children mainly steams from pure jealousy. And if its not a screaming child, its a stinky homeless person or a half naked lunatic. And don't ask me why because my commuting face is far from friendly, but I attract ALL OF THEM like a sodding magnet.  

5. Managing your own bedtime.

I have spent the last 4 years of my life tired. Every night I say I'm getting an early night. And every night I am up till 1 am watching YouTube videos and cat vines. Is this something I can sue Apple for because I'm pretty sure I didn't do this before they equipped  me with an Iphone?

4. Managing your own money.

Like what the actual fuck am I going to work for when I spend half of it on rent for the shoe box bedroom I'm living in in the house I share with 20 other people, and the rest goes on electricity bills and toilet roll. I haven't shopped in like 3 months. Actually that's a lie, I shopped last month but this is another good reason that I shouldn't be ALLOWED to manage my own money - I made it to the last week of the month with £300 (which is a genuine first in 4 years) and instead of putting that money towards the deposit for the imminent move I have coming up, I spent it all on Topshop clothes and a pub lunch. Worth it!

3. House Sharing

Working in the property market has brought me to the very depressing realisation I will NEVER be a homeowner. Unless I win the lottery or have some really rich relatives I don't know about, I literally have no hope. And I also have no hope of affording to rent a one bedroom flat in London. Not even a fucking studio flat. Average price is genuinely over a grand a month in this city. BEFORE BILLS. So that means I will be house sharing until I'm 40. And that means I will have people complaining about my dirty dishes for the next 18 years. Moaning at me for being too loud. Chasing people 5 times before the transfer me the money for the God damn council tax. Having explosive, screaming arguments with people about crumbs on the counter in the kitchen and then not speaking to them for 3 months and having to avoid whichever room they're using until they're finished. Landlords who are unreasonable CRIMINALS like mine now.

2. Dating

Dating is just a constant roller-coaster of disappointment and anxiety to me. I meet someone who's creepy and weird - disappointment. I meet someone I like - anxiety. Why haven't you text me for a WHOLE HOUR. YOU LIKED SOMEONE ELSE'S SELFIE ON INSTAGRAM. I DON'T CARE IF IT WAS A BOY YOU CAN ONLY LIKE MY SELFIES. It's emotionally stressful and also time consuming and it's bloody expensive. Why do we have to go to some fancy cocktail bar, cant we get a 4 pack of fosters each and sit in a park??

1.The realisation this is what it will be like forever and you have to get the hang of all this shit on your own.

I just want someone to tell me how to do it all. Please. MUMMY.

I'm getting there. Slowly. Kind of. Let me know what you hate most about adulting, because misery loves company. Now I'm off to drink some wine and watch pointless videos on YouTube and forget that I'm moving out of my house at the weekend and I have nowhere to live and I haven't started packing yet.

Happy Adulting x

Sexy Pittas

So as it is the last week before payday - I am obviously broke. Broke to the point I had to withdraw the last bit of money left in my account so my phone bill doesn't come out and leave me foodless. So no more pret for lunch this week. Instead I did a little ASDA haul and have been putting together my own delicious lunches. 

The preparation element of making lunches to take to work is the main thing that puts me off because well - I'm really fucking lazy. So instead what I did was take all the bits to work and assemble it at lunch time. That gives me more time in the evenings to watch youtube videos and write stupid blogs 👍🏻

So for lunches this week I will be having pitta breads with various meat and salad fillings - all you need is:

-Wholemeal Pittas - £50p

-Salad of your choice, I chose...

Packet of 6 tomatoes - 80p

RIPE Avocado. It's like fucking Russian roulette you never actually know if its ripe until its too late and you've cut the bastard open - £1

Bag of lettuce - £1

Half cucumber - 30p

-Cheese, I went for the cheap £1 brie. Winning

-MEAT - I splashed out on half a rotisserie chicken which was £3 and it lasted two days, but you can get ham for like a quid.

-French salad dressing £1 - MUCH better than mayo or salad cream, trust

If you have an apetite like mine these need to be pretty frigging hearty or you're just going to be starving, so thats why I got quite a lot of fillings, but you can do this for much cheaper than I did. But I'm a pig, so everything on my list was obviously completely necessary. 

So that's a week's worth of lunches for just over £8. That's what I normally spend daily! And God damn, these are gooooooood. I hate bland food, and this is not bland - its the french dressing that really takes it from a 6 to a 10. Plus it's filling, and its healthy. Except the brie but whatevs, cheese is my religion, it's worth the clogged arteries. 

Another amazing and super cheap work lunch idea is pasta. A lot of people don't seem to be aware of this, but you can cook pasta in a microwave. Put the pasta in a bowl, cover it in boiling water from the kettle and stick it in the MW for 10-12 mins, drain, pop the sauce of your choice on top, stir and pop back in the microwave for 30 seconds to a minute. BOOM. A big bag of pasta in ASDA is 99p, and I resent spending more than a quid on pasta sauce. That will last at least 3 meals, more if you have smaller portions than me, so that's at least 3 days worth of lunches for 2 fricking quid. Genius. 

This week I've cleaned my room and made my own lunch for 3 days in a row  - I make that about a million adult points for me. High five! Unfortunately I probably need some adult points deducted for hitting a solid 7 on the hangover scale today. We had work do last night and I took full advantage of the free wine, thinking I was being really super well behaved and grown up I only had one in the pub afterwards and came straight home. I then wondered at 11pm why I was throwing up my super noodles after my super grown up behavior and failed to remember I polished off at least 6 glasses of free wine before the pub. Oopsie. Cathy if you're reading this you can't be cross because I came to work and don't pretend you knew I was hungover because you totally did not. (Cathy's my boss hehe)

Let me know your super ideas for work lunches, because I always need foodspiration, now I'm off to enjoy my hair of the dog and watch TOWIE. #Life

Happy adulting x

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Hey! Dirt-ay! Baby I Got No Money, I Am Worried...

If you are anything like me, this will sum you up pretty well:

I have a horrible habit of spending money like I'm a millionaire after I get paid. Though I always resent spending more than a pound on anything edible in the supermarket when I do a food shop, I think a packet of 200 candles for a fiver is an absolute bargain. I'm more than happy to spend £4 on a coffee every morning, £10 on a packet of cigarettes daily, and never think twice about splurging out on 10 cocktails at Be@One on a Tuesday. My logic is completely backwards, like how dare you try and charge me £3 for a delicious packet of chicken breasts! That is fucking outrageous, do you think I'm MADE OF MONEY- ooh look, a packet of 20 poisonous sticks that you light on fire for more than three times as much as chicken! YES PLEASE! As a result I then live on pasta and bread alone for the last three weeks of the month. So here are a few tips to adult better than me...

1. Don't smoke

2. If you have to smoke, smoke rollies, they're cheap, and also a pain in the fucking arse, and if you're lazy like me that means you smoke less, which in turn saves you more money.

3. Don't drink

4. If you have to drink, only buy things on offer YAY FOR £3 BOTTLES OF WINE! If you get them cold enough then you don't even notice taste the bitter, anti-freeze like aftertaste 

5. Don't get an overdraft

6. If you have to get an overdraft - JUST DON'T. DON'T FUCKING DO IT, IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME! SAVE YOURSELVES.

7. Make your own lunch

8. If you cant be bothered to make your own lunch like me, then these:

Thank you Jesus.

I have also discovered a few amazing apps that have saved my broke ass many a time, and perhaps could save yours too.

Vouchercloud:

This app is FAB. It has deals and discounts on all sorts - hairdressers, shops, restaurants, plus its started doing online discounts now too, and it has competitions to win free vouchers and days out. It's free to download so why would you not! Get it. Now.

o2 Priority:

If you're on o2 like me, and all the other best people are, you need to get the o2 priority app. It's the same kind of stuff as Vouchercloud. Free shit, discounted shit - BUT it also does priority gig tickets. I'm sure you all know this already, so I will stop. But what I would say is check it daily, because some deals are only available certain days of the week, and they do update it quite regularly. And one more thing - DO NOT be taken in by the Monday £1 pizza lunch deal at Dominoes. I almost shat my pants with excitement waiting for my delicious greasy pepperoni pizza on Monday, only to be handed a button size box of soul crushing disappointment. It's barely big enough to fill the stomach of a new born baby. Waste of time. And your pound - I had to spend a further £4 on snacks afterwards so it really defeated the object.

LetYaNo

I've only really recently discovered this one, and it. Is. Awesome. You get free stuff or discounts for filling out like three questions about the service you receive. Me and my housemate legit had an entire free meal each on it. It finds your location, and then participating bars, restaurants and shops in your area, and even gives you a map of how to get there! Plus the more you use it the more rewards you get. SHAMAZE!

My main concern in life is food, it's where a huge majority of my salary goes. Give me all the Dominoes, curry, McDonalds and KFC I can eat (which is a LOT). If any of my friends ask if I want to go out I don't seem to have a function in my brain that can say no, even when I only have like 20 bucks left to last me 2 weeks. So these apps are great for that, because even though I cant say no, I can save a bunch of $$$. But if you're interests are marginally broader than mine, you can subscribe to www.wowcher.co.uk or www.groupon.co.uk - they email you daily with deals on everything from gym memberships to going on sky dives! Wowcher is a little more girly, they do a lot of beauty deals but Groupon is more of an all rounder. 

It gets very easy to start ignoring their emails because they come through so often, but if you have a meet up with a pal coming up in the near future, keep your eye on them, because the deals are amazing and they have some pretty original ideas for activities.

I have a ton more money saving bits to write about, but I wont now, because I'm boring myself and probably you too. If you know of any other good discount stuff let me know, because I am very, very poor. And if someone could invent an app that gets you a discount on cigs and wine that would be GREAAAT thankssssss.

Cheers all for reading, and all your support from my last post, I was so excited about all the feedback I couldn't sleep and got in trouble at work the next day cos my boss thought I was hungover. Worth it.

Happy adulting x